


Can Dark Ideas Be Good?

by quantumducky



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fake Episode, Gen, Humor, Rhyming, Screenplay/Script Format, a reasonable person would not have done this, almost this entire fic is in rhyming verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27268810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumducky/pseuds/quantumducky
Summary: Thomas is struggling to brainstorm video ideas thanks to Roman and Remus fighting over whose ideas are better. Can they settle the matter, once and for all? Will anything ever get done around here? And why is everyone talking like a knockoff Shakespeare character?
Relationships: Creativity | Roman & Dark Creativity | Remus, Thomas Sanders & Everyone
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Can Dark Ideas Be Good?

**Author's Note:**

> i tried very hard and therefore no one should judge me for the occasional slant rhyme
> 
> this was written for a competition/challenge where i had to incorporate rhymes so, naturally, i was like "what if ALL of it was rhymes" and here we are

_The living room. THOMAS paces in circles, muttering to himself about video ideas. He is holding a pen in one hand and a notebook in the other, opened to a page where multiple things have been written and then scribbled out. His expression is very frustrated._

THOMAS: Ugh, this might be the hardest time I’ve ever had with brainstorming in my _life._ Roman, talk to me, buddy, what’s the problem here?

_(ROMAN is summoned. REMUS also appears, standing next to him. The two are mid-argument and do not immediately notice the change in their surroundings.)_

ROMAN: Would you just go away and let me work?!

REMUS: Shut your mouth and let me help you out, jerk!

THOMAS: Uh, guys? You both seem pretty irked…

ROMAN: You think you’re helping? Ha! As if you could!

You’ve never done a thing remotely good.

THOMAS: _(louder)_ Guys! Pay attention, uh… if you would?

_(They turn and finally notice him.)_

ROMAN: Oh, Thomas! Wonderful! Now _you_ can tell 

This idiot that leaving would be swell.

REMUS: Really? Don’t forget I’m creativity as well.

THOMAS: Both of you, stop- what’s going on, pray tell?

ROMAN: Oh, the rhyming? That’s a side effect of the brainstorming process. Cool, right?

THOMAS: No, not… I mean, it is, but I was asking for the cause of this fight.

_(They both answer at the same time, overlapping.)_

ROMAN: Remus keeps bothering me with interruptions!

REMUS: Roman isn’t letting me perform my function!

THOMAS: Okay, well, uh, let me-

_(VIRGIL appears in his usual place.)_

VIRGIL: I’m feeling a lot of tension in here, what’s going… oh. I see.

REMUS: _(obnoxiously cheerful)_ Hi again! Did you miss me, Virgie?

VIRGIL: I would much rather you’d stayed away. _(He flaps a hand towards REMUS as if vanishing him with magic.)_ Why won’t you just go be… not here?

_(ROMAN gestures at VIRGIL as if to say “see? He agrees with me!”)_

ROMAN: That’s just what I’ve been saying. Disappear!

_(The camera switches to LOGAN, who has now joined the conversation as well. He waves at THOMAS to get his attention.)_

LOGAN: If I may say something… 

THOMAS: Oh! Sure, go ahead, Logan. Wait, how come you aren’t rhyming?

LOGAN: I believe it’s because I’m not speaking directly to either of _them._ It seems to be contagious. Regardless, I think it might be beneficial to allow Remus to stay.

_(Everyone is surprised by this.)_

ROMAN: Nay!

VIRGIL: What? Why?!

REMUS: _Yes!_ Wait, yeah, why?

THOMAS: _(to LOGAN)_ What makes you say that?

LOGAN: Well, I’m aware his statements are frequently… unpalatable, but he _is_ the other half of your creativity. It’s entirely possible he could also contribute some ideas you would be able to do something good with.

ROMAN: What’s wrong with using my ideas instead?

He doesn’t need more than one concept-smith.

LOGAN: I’m sure your thoughts will be of use forthwith,

But they’re not all Thomas has in his head.

The purpose of brainstorming is to show

_Every_ idea you might decide to grow.

VIRGIL: _(scoffs)_ In theory, sure, but nothing Remus says could _actually_ go in a video.

_(REMUS is about to protest, but VIRGIL holds up a hand.)_

VIRGIL: _(loudly)_ I sure do hope nobody was about to interrupt and make me have to rhyme everything again! _(normal voice)_ It wouldn’t be anything Thomas could actually post, at least. I mean, what would his viewers think? I know we decided there’s nothing wrong with having some messed up thoughts- _(He gestures to Remus, the source of the thoughts in question.)_ -but I’m pretty sure there’s a difference between _thinking_ something and _putting it on the internet_ for thousands of people to see. Thoughts don’t affect anyone but you. If you put something in a video, you’re affecting everyone who watches it, and if they get upset, it’s gonna be your fault. Right? _(shouting at the ceiling)_ Patton, back me up here!

PATTON: _(from offscreen)_ Uh… Sorry, Virge, I don’t think I can help you. I’m not feeling all that confident in my judgement right now.

_(VIRGIL sighs, annoyed, and spreads his hands- “really?” After a beat, JANUS appears in the spot where PATTON normally stands.)_

JANUS: I can fill in for him if you like, Virgil. What is it we’re convincing everyone is morally wrong, again?

VIRGIL: _(out of patience for this crap)_ Nope! Leave!

_(VIRGIL mimes pushing JANUS down, and he sinks out of frame, looking pleased with himself for annoying VIRGIL successfully.)_

LOGAN: I’m not Patton, either, but I may have an answer to that.

VIRGIL: Fine, go on.

LOGAN: It’s true that Thomas needs to be responsible about the videos he makes. However, it’s not necessarily _irresponsible_ to make videos that include upsetting ideas. I believe in Thomas’s ability to be respectful around sensitive topics, and as long as viewers are warned about the content of the video beforehand, they can choose to avoid anything that would cause them distress. If they expect to be upset and watch the video anyway, it will be the result of their actions, not ours.

REMUS: Yeah, it’s not our fault if their mood sours!

Thomas ought to do whatever he wants.

LOGAN: I never said I condoned _that_ response.

THOMAS: Yeah, I’m pretty sure if I did whatever I wanted, uh, we’d be talking right now via seance.

VIRGIL: So true. Anyway, that still doesn’t make it a good idea. Thomas built up an audience by making wholesome, family friendly stuff. They’re not gonna like it if he suddenly does a total 180. They won’t watch it, and then Thomas doesn’t make any money from it, and- surely I don’t have to explain to you why having no money is bad.

ROMAN: It’s me the viewers came for, not the mad

And vulgar nonsense which makes Remus glad.

LOGAN: Well-

REMUS: Hey, it’s not _nonsense._

ROMAN: But you do admit

It’s mad and vulgar? 

REMUS: That’s the point of it!

LOGAN: Will you both be quiet and permit

Me to continue? Thank you. Now, I’m saying:

There _is_ a reason horror films keep playing.

It would be wrong in this discussion to omit

The many people who often delight in

Content intended to disgust or frighten.

REMUS: _(to ROMAN)_ That’s why _my_ ideas leave _yours_ in pieces.

ROMAN: _(scoffs)_ In what nightmarish world, devoid of reason?

REMUS: Uh, the _real_ one? Newsflash: fluff’s just boring!

Happy endings leave today’s world snoring.

Realistic stuff is gritty, dark, exciting!

Take Game of Thrones, with all that sex and fighting.

I could get our Thomas on that level.

ROMAN: How dare you! I won’t tolerate this libel.

LOGAN: …Did he really call Game of Thrones realistic?

ROMAN: And no one liked the ending; your appraisal

Is wrong. Logan, why’d you side with this prick?

LOGAN: No, I just want to make sure the facts stick.

In this matter, the fact is, you’re both wrong.

You and he are both by far too quick

To claim the other’s merit isn’t strong.

Should Thomas choose to use what Remus says,

We might find light and dark both have their place.

VIRGIL: I’m hearing a lot of conditionals. Sure, Remus _might_ have good ideas, but we _already know_ that Roman _definitely_ has good ideas. There’s nothing wrong with the way we’ve been doing things this whole time.

ROMAN: _(quietly pleased)_ Exactly, thank you, Virge- why fix what’s fine?

REMUS: Because it isn’t _fair_ to leave me out!

ROMAN: And it _would_ be the _other_ way about?

_(Both turn to THOMAS.)_

REMUS: He’s just scared I’m gonna take his place.

Once you hear the awesome stuff I’ve got,

You’ll never want to hear _his_ stupid thoughts.

I can’t wait to witness Roman’s face

When he hears you take my side in this.

ROMAN: Now, Thomas, how long have you worked with me?

And have my ideas ever let you down?

If you want to keep your YouTube crown,

I’m your guy- it should be clear to see.

I’m sure you know just how absurd this is.

BOTH: Come on- you want _my_ ideas, not _his!_

_(Everyone looks at THOMAS, waiting to see who he agrees with. He looks back with a deer-in-headlights expression.)_

THOMAS: Uh…

_(There is a long pause. Everyone starts to look impatient.)_

VIRGIL: Don’t tell me you’re actually having some trouble with this.

THOMAS: _(mostly to VIRGIL so as to escape rhyming)_ It’s just hard to say who has better ideas when I don’t actually know what the ideas _are,_ okay? _(He holds up the pad of paper in his hand. There is nothing legible there.)_ I mean, _this_ is what I’ve got to work with. If they could stop fighting long enough to actually _give_ me some ideas, I might be able to tell you which ones are better.

_(ROMAN looks hurt that he isn’t the clear winner automatically.)_

ROMAN: Well, if you really feel it’s necessary…

Perhaps a competition is in order?

We’ll demonstrate our idea inventories.

THOMAS: And then I can get something on this paper!

REMUS: Great idea. I love to kick your ass!

ROMAN: Well, I hope you also love to come in last!

By coming up with it, I got ahead.

REMUS: That’s not how it works, we haven’t started yet.

ROMAN: I made the rules, it works however I want!

THOMAS: Hey! _(Beat, they stop and look at him.)_ Got your thoughts ready to flaunt?

On your marks… get set… go!

ROMAN: You could have some fun with your friends…

REMUS: Eat things that should not be tried.

ROMAN: Or do the latest challenge trends…

REMUS: Prank someone to think you died!

Cover your whole face in gore!

ROMAN: _(Oh!)_ He has a friend who knows the score

On injury special effects!

REMUS: We’ll get their help in that respect!

THOMAS: And time! _(He holds up the notepad, now filled with their video ideas.)_ Wow, I’m amazed that you made all that rhyme.

REMUS: So, who won?

_(THOMAS squints at his notes. ROMAN and REMUS watch nervously.)_

THOMAS: Oh. _(He looks up sheepishly.)_ I, uh… might have forgotten, with all those ideas, to write down who said which one.

ROMAN: Seriously?

THOMAS: _(defensive)_ That brainstorming was speedy!

VIRGIL: Don’t tell me we have to sit through _another_ round of that just because you wrote it down wrong.

THOMAS: No, no, this is actually… making me realize something.

LOGAN: And what might that be?

THOMAS: Well… you know how right there before the ending,

You started responding to what each other was saying?

_(ROMAN and REMUS nod, unsure where he’s going with this.)_

LOGAN: Ah, I see. The results would have been compromised anyway, because their ideas started to blend together. I had some concerns about your methodology from the start, but I didn’t get a chance to mention it.

THOMAS: Not exactly. I mean, you’re probably right about the methodology thing, but I was going to say that… that idea actually ended up being the best.

ROMAN: Wait, what? That leaves us no better than at the beginning.

REMUS: Please don’t say something cheesy about both of us winning.

ROMAN: I hate to agree with _him,_ but… was it really that tight?

THOMAS: Look, you both want me to make good videos, right?

ROMAN: Of course!

REMUS: I guess.

THOMAS: So… what if it turns out the actual best

Way to do that is… by working together?

_(They look at each other and make a face.)_

THOMAS: Just try it once? Depending on whether

It really won’t work, you can stop altogether.

_(They stare each other down for another beat.)_

ROMAN: Fine, though the prospect sounds grim.

_(REMUS looks pleasantly surprised, but quickly covers it.)_

ROMAN: I will _try_ to get through this without killing him.

REMUS: No promises here! I can’t help my whims.

ROMAN: _(rolls eyes)_ Can you _try_ to act decent for just one second?

This will be over faster if we’re calm and collected.

_(ROMAN sinks out of frame and drags REMUS down with him. A beat of silence.)_

THOMAS: Well, that was… 

VIRGIL: A terrible mistake? Seriously, have you somehow failed to notice that those two hate each other? They’re not gonna get _anything_ done, they’re just going to be yelling again within five minutes!

LOGAN: We don’t know that for sure, yet.

VIRGIL: I’m just saying, when this ends horribly and we have to scrap the entire video, I am _absolutely_ blaming you.

_(VIRGIL sinks out of frame.)_

LOGAN: For what it’s worth, I think it was a good decision.

THOMAS: That’s worth a lot, actually, coming from you. I just… hope it works out… and that I didn’t hurt Roman’s feelings too much.

LOGAN: _(a beat of hesitation)_ I hope so, too.

_(LOGAN sinks out of frame, leaving THOMAS alone in the room. He takes a breath, nods to himself, and sits down on the couch with his notepad to keep working on video ideas.)_

* * *

_Endcard. Patton’s room. PATTON and JANUS are sitting on the floor together in pajamas. PATTON is painting his nails, and JANUS has his head leaned back with green paste on his face and cucumber slices over his eyes._

PATTON: I’m glad they figured that out without us.

JANUS: Yes, I think we’ve earned a day off.

PATTON: All the rhyming did seem kind of fun, though.

JANUS: _(dry)_ Well, there’s nothing stopping you.

PATTON: Oh, good point! Hmm, let’s see… 

I like hanging out with _you…_

It’s more fun doing things with _two!_

_(He looks proud of himself.)_

PATTON: What do you think?

JANUS: _(slow clapping, deadpan)_ That was amazing. Incredible. I’ve never heard anything like it.

PATTON: _(cheerful, taking it as a compliment on purpose)_ Thanks! Now it’s your turn.

JANUS: Hm. No, I believe if I were to partake

In silly rhymes, it would be a mistake.

_(Beat. He winks.)_

PATTON: _(realization)_ Oh, I get it! Nice.

JANUS: Thanks.

_(They return to what they were each doing before.)_

END

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone should happen to want to podfic this you have my permission and also my love


End file.
